The Sun is a Sluggard

I was up long before it dragged its lazy carcass from its bed. My tortured feet hit the floor at 2:30 am and the rest of me followed, albeit unwillingly. I do not like rising that early. At least this time, I had the blessings of the medical community to use the extra hours in a frivolous and non-productive fashion. Normally, I feel a real guilt at letting found time go to waste. If the time has nothing to document its existence, then it is time wasted. But, today I had the paper in hand to permit the luxury of American-style waste.

I am tired today. The euphoria of yesterday has mellowed into the mudane and I am feeling the effects of the emotional and physical rollercoaster on which I have been riding for a week or so. Yesterday, the ride reached its highest high and I threw up my arms and let out a joyful "Wheee!" as I enjoyed the exhiliration of the heart-stimulating descent. But, the descent marked the end of the trip and, as with all thrill rides, there is a period of readjustment and unsteadiness following disembarkation. That rather describes the morning. I fell as if there is something I am forgetting. Something that I should be doing be am avoiding. What I am missing is the worry, the mental weighing of options, the physical preparations to make my body capable of meeting a new day with minimum pain and inconvenience.

For the last week or so, the factor structuring my days has been my feet. The examination, the home-based medical care, the choice of footwear both for leisure and work, the planning of the day's agenda to minimize time spent walking or standing, researching for new ways to reduce swelling and inflammation, etc. I had a project. A juicy bone to chew. I had been presented with a challenge. That has kept me quite busy. Surprisingly, it is what likely has kept me functional during this time to the level at which I have been operating. I sink my teeth into challenges and projects. The energy that stimulates in me has likely been the energy on which my body has drawn to continue day to day. Were I am more apathetic, complacent, uncurious, passive individual, there is great likelihood that this week would have been one of pure inactivity. I would likely have allowed the situation to wrestle me to the ground and pin me there indefinitely. But, like a perpetual motion machine, once set in motion, I continue on and on without external input of energy. I am my own power plant when so inclined, and the glove-slap of challenge is sufficient to make me "so inclined."

Today, however, is marked by a lack of challenge. Of course, I have no real answers for my other health concerns, but those are old and ongoing. I have nothing fresh and immediate to which to turn my attention. No focus, no direction in which to channel my mental energies. If there is nothing in my day on which to "obsess", I seem out of sorts. And it is obsession that I desire. At least temporary obsession. I want something thrown down in front of me like a steak in front of a dog. Something I can attack, chew, rip, render, masticate, shred, swallow and digest. And, like the dog with the steak, I enjoy it. I am thrilled. Even if a project is marked with frustration from beginning to end, the mental/physical exercise is rejuvenating. The acute concern of my feet fit this pattern. The chronic concerns of my whole body do not. That is why I hate them so.

Today, I see my doctor for an assessment of the cellulitis condition and a discussion of my other health tests. The sun is shining and it is supposed to be warm. Were I not bacterially crippled, I would walk to her office - it is only a few blocks from the house. If she ordered more tests, I could just as easily walk to the hospital. It is a few blocks from my house in the other direction. But, I will have to drive the distance as the feet are not up to the ordeal. Till then, though, I will occupy myself as I did yesterday. Rest, watch movies and keep the feet off of the floor. Perhaps, if I can find a suitable support, I will move myself for a time to the front porch where I have a chair for sitting and watching the world go by. The feet will need to be raised, so planning must take place. Perhaps a cardboard box. I do have a step stool. What about one of those small side tables that they sell to accompany plastic outdoor furniture? I could obtain one on the way back from the doctor's appointment. Ok, ok, I'm trying to create a project. Sometimes, a wacky's gotta do what a wacky's gotta do...