One Day More

Actually 2 days more...2 days more of sitting and biding time while the feet heal. The unrelenting boredom of yesterday was broken only by my visit to the doctor's office. And, for some reason, I was especially toxic and putrid. Weighing even more than on my previous visit and virtually incapable of walking, I waddled like an obese toddler with a too-tight diaper into my doctor's office. This time, I was not kept waiting very long, although the waiting room was still a textbook case of uncomfortable. The outcome this time? Further information, more medication and more tests. The information - the addition to my laundry list of symptoms was an enlarged liver. I really don't drink (about 1 drink/6 months), so I cannot claim behavioral responsibility for this one. Also, blood tests indicate that my protein level is very, very low. Despite noshing protein like a bodybuilder, none of it is sticking around very long. The medication - a higher dosage of Lasix, magnesium citrate and TED socks. The Lasix is to try and pop the water ballon into which I have morphed. The magnesium citrate is to move the prodigious poop festering in my system as much as possible. The TED socks, aka compression hose, are to help with the foot swelling. So, I have diuretics, laxatives and sup-hose. I am officially 79 years old. The tests - more blood work to work on the protein and liver problems. Also a GI series scheduled for Tuesday. Then, its an appointment with a gastroenterologist.

Whew. The high point of my day was an icy cold Diet Cherry-Vanilla Dr. Pepper while waiting for my prescription to be filled. So, further tests and further questions. SSDD, SOS... But, I guess it counts as progress (at least I'm going to look at it that way). But I also received orders to spend the weekend with feet raised. Another 2 days of inactivity, of movies, of surfing the web, of trying to read and then getting distracted by my enforced inactivity. I find it difficult to read in situations like this. My brain races too fast, thinking of all the things I can't do. The TV is good for these times in that I can pay only cursory attention and get the gist of the program. Reading requires focus and concentration and I am too tetchy right now to focus on the written word.

What shall be the theme, then, of my movie marathon? Thursday it was happy, fun movies. Comedies. Yesterday it was tense, action pictures. Each day's movies paralleling my mood. Today? I'm not sure at this point. I am not euphoric, but I'm not nervous as a cat. I'm in pain only when I walk around (getting out of bed and to the bathroom was an unqualified ordeal). As long as I'm propped, the feet have yet to bother me. The weather is awful - cold, windy and drizzly. No temptation to go out. Yesterday was gorgeous, so I was not happy about having to waste the day inside. It was like I had been robbed of a rare opportunity. I have no agenda or appointments to prey on my brain.

Today is devoid of features, either positive or negative, to set the tone for the time. Could I turn this to my advantage? Could I give form to the formless? Research shows that even when you don't feel happy, if you make yourself smile and pretend to be happy, you will feel happier. So, could I watch fun and funny films, play games on the computer, visit humorous sites on the Internet and play silly culinary games in the kitchen and create my own bubble of positive energy? I am not blue today, but I could sink in that direction quickly if my boredom continues. So, I'll pretend today is last Thursday and maybe that happy day will overpaint today's gray canvas. No harm in trying...