Holy Pickle Hell!!

MY FEET HURT!!!!!!!!! Almighty heavens, my feet hurt. What was swelling and some discoloration is now a mass of fiery flesh. It hurts with that toxic, stinging, itching evil that signals more than a simple over-accumulation of water. It signals something ugly.

Yesterday was my CAT scan. I dutifully took my contrast solutions and held off on my 2nd Lasix dose until after the scan. The scan went swimmingly. I arrived early and was taken early. No problem with the IV and I got to keep my clothes on! They took me early, so I was very enthusiastic about having more of my afternoon available. My enthusiasm went down when speaking with the technician, however.

She was very knowledgeable, professional and to the point. I like that. Now, about 5 years ago I was there for fluid accumulation in the legs and they did a CAT scan at that point. This was not long after I started losing weight. I NEVER heard anything about it, so figured things were hunky-dory. So, she was reviewing my prior hospital stay and mentioned that they had found fluid in my abdomen during the last scan. This was news to me. Not that it is a life-threatening situation, but it is not quite the norm and no one bothered to bring it to my attention. Then, at the end of the scan, she noticed my ankles and became quite alarmed. My “oh, its just swelling, we’re working on that,” didn’t quell her concern and she urged me to get into the doctor again very soon. Hmmmm….

Returned home and took my Lasix. Now, the first batch did make me pee, but I was also taking it with apple cider vinegar, celery juice, dandelion root tea…Yesterday, I didn’t have those things and I wasn’t peeing after the dose of Lasix. It was only after I had more tea, celery and apple cider vinegar that the increased urination occurred, and it was hours later, while I was trying to sleep. I went to bed early and was up every hour or so to pee. Each time I rose from the bed, my ankles didn’t hold and I fell back into the bed. They hurt with raw heat. Not dull, but immediate and fierce. I finally stayed up at 2:00 am and resolved that something was terribly wrong.

So, the morning was spent with a roiling pit of anxiety in my stomach and a head rattled with indecision. What do I do? Go to the Emergency Room. What a hassle. And what if it is really something requiring an aspirin for resolution. Call the doctor? The office complex doesn’t open until 8:30 am and I didn’t want to go through the call the answering service, wait for the on-call people to return your call, etc. So, I opted for Door #3. Go to work, get someone to cover my class while I ran upstairs to use the phone and schedule an appointment for after work. I’ll only be able to see the nurse-practitioner, but if the situation is dire, it’s a large HMO-style complex. Someone with an MD can sign off on whatever is needed for me to remedy this situation.

Of course, this was the one day that I had a lovely social event planned. I was to meet my accountant for a coffee to chat and discuss a nutritional program that she represents. It sounds quite interesting and I was looking most forward to some gal gabbing and learning more about the vitamins and supplements. But, that will have to wait until next week, now. I now get another afternoon devoted to medical matters and mental perturbation.

I long for some true relaxation. I am so tired of staying in high-gear for one reason or another. I am tired of it being one thing after another. I am tired of having a little something nice on the horizon and having to put it aside for immediate concerns. I am tired of not being able to plan or schedule any recreation time since I don’t know how I will feel or what I will be doing on any given day. I am tired of not having a life. But that is not likely to change right now. Right now, my life is my health and I find that repellent. Health should always be a major concern for a successful life. But, in a positive way. To cook and eat delicious, nutritious foods, to participate in fitness activities, to have the standard round of medical and dental check-ups, to avoid poor lifestyle decisions…Things that work to make life happy and hearty. Not this type of concern. Where each day brings a new thing over which to worry. Another symptom, another crisis, another call to the doctor.

Today, I am sitting trying to rest my legs as best as possible. It is not doing much to alleviate the discomfort, but I’m probably not making it worse. My students are involved in standardized testing, so curriculum is fairly out the window for a week. I guess I can take that as a positive coincidence. Part of me wants to go in this afternoon and be mandated to do nothing but lay on the couch and sleep. Part of me wants to be told that I am a big baby and to go home and hide my face in shame. I am unanimous in not wanting to hear “I don’t know.” That could send me violent at this point. That would be the one thing that I would not tolerate with grace. I want something done. I want medication, balm, cream, spray, compresses, poultices, laying-on-hands, ritual and incense – something. Something to work the problem. It might not succeed, but at least it was a try. Better a swing and a miss than getting beaned by the ball…