Crappy Films

Some films are just dogs - but we love them so. Call them "guilty pleasures" or whatever you please, but everyone has a list of accepted awful films that they just enjoy the hell out of. I got one of the films on my list in the mail today and I'm enjoying it.

I have always loved the Hammer horror films, the vampire ones especially. As a kid, I just fell in love with the edited version of Vampire Circus. When cable television first arrived in my hometown, they showed some interesting stuff. Telefrance USA, for instance, which showed real French programming - nudity and all. That one didn't last long. They also had a few channels that, trying to find some form of programming, showed tons of creaky movies. One of these channels, and I admit its name escapes me (of course I remember the name of the nudie channel), showed lots of old horror films. For some reason this one stuck in my mind and I remember watching it every time I caught it on the tube.

For years, though, I saw neither hide nor hair of that film. In fact, lots of the Hammer films just seemed to vanish from the airwaves. So did many of the 1950's-1970's horror and scifi flicks. The days of cheese-a-thons on the local tv stations were distant memory. No more begging to stay awake to watch Shock Theater - it wasn't there to watch. Its hard for me to imagine kids growing up today without a diet of hastily-made cheapie films to enjoy with friends and popcorn.

But, one day I got a hair across my behind to try and find a copy of Vampire Circus on DVD. That was a laugh. The VHS version has gone the way of the Dodo. There was a DVD version that was basically out of print, and only ever produced for the European format. Meaning, it wouldn't play on my machine, even if I could grab a copy of some friendly European. Now, this situation was what I learned from checking Amazon. Ok, says I...the hunt now begins. If I've learned one thing in life is that anything is possible if you look/try hard enough.

First, a general Internet search for Vampire Circus. Plenty of reviews and write-ups. Any links to purchasable copies listed prices in Euros. Not a good sign. There were some Hammer collections that contained the film, but, again they weren't in the right format. The collections available to the US market all lacked my desired flick. Now, I figured that I couldn't be the only American to every have looked for this film or for another crapfest only available overseas. This meant, to me, that some enterprising soul must exist out there whose sole purpose was to satisfy our odd cravings. More research was required...

...before finding that enterprising individual. Or individuals, it is a company. Canadian, they specialize in making certain films available. They pointedly state that they films they offer are not those available for general distribution in the US. They also pointedly state that the quality of their product is what one would expect for older films. Ok. Here's what they do. They but European DVD's of titles not made available over here and copy them for resale to the US market. Hey, they may have license to do that...I'm sure the paperwork is in order. All I know is that they got me a playable DVD copy of Vampire Circus for $26.99. The quality is good, too. About what I would expect if I purchased this off the rack at a video store. My crappy film is now mine...

Some days just call for crap films. Today is one of those days. Snowy, with the hint of "gotta go back to work Monday" in the air. Luxuriating in an old favorite with plenty of Coke Zero (at least one will get a bit of Stoli Vanilla tossed in) is a perfect way to pass the hours. Now, if I can just hunt down my copy of Johnny Mnemonic, I'll really be in hog heaven...

Dogs Declare Shenanigans

Make no mistake - they formally notified me that they would be operating under a flag of shenanigans until further notice. I went upstairs to visit the loo and was astonished to be visited within a minute by two balls of defiance. That was the first time they had climbed the stairs by themselves. I knew there was going to be trouble as they both carried something indistinguishable, yet derelict in their mouths...

Since that declaration, they have been racing up and down the stairs at full tilt, pausing only to pee in new and exciting spots on the second floor. They have dragged the bedding off of my guest bed, which is an impressive accomplishment seeing as it is a king-size set. They have eaten two socks, neither of which matched so that I am now down two pairs. The have played "catch me if you can" with a Sharpie, sans cap. Luckily, my walls do not bear any evidence of this particular game. They have started to latch onto each of my legs, one dog per, and making me walk them around the kitchen like a carnival ride. They have tried to chew the paint off the metal heater cover. I stopped that with the liberal application of Tabasco, however...

Vacation is such a wonderful time...I hope it ends soon...

And I Keep on Payin'

The only reason I don't get too upset over life is that I do believe everything is fixable and luck goes in cycles. Right now the cycle is doing the bottom part of its loop...

My best friend was going to fly up for my birthday. Of course, I found out that we can't get off of work due to the fact that a grant-funded enrichment program will be going on at that time and I have to be at work. Flippin' wonderful. I have to miss out on celebrating my 40th in style to handhold a pack of sophomores...

My wrist hurts...

My wallet went missing yesterday. I think it was swiped at school, but I don't know for sure. I realized it was gone yesterday afternoon and had to spend the whole evening cancelling credit cards, trying to remember things I had set on Autopay, placing fraud alerts on my credit reports, telling my refinance representative not to panic when he saw fraud alerts on my accounts, listing all the grocery, drugstore and pet store cards I have to replace, etc. At least I don't carry cash or checks in my wallet...

Today is warm and muggy, my head hurts and I'm in a foul mood...I don't need a crystal ball to know there's a rum and Coke Zero in my near future...

I Pay Every Day

That's my motto. Really. Know how you say "I'm going to pay for this" in certain situations? Well, my motto is I Pay Every Day. Maybe that's why I don't get overly psyched over things - I know that the hand will be proferred for payment at any moment.

Saturday was gorgeous and brought me my XBox 360. Sunday dumped 12+ inches of snow on our heads, but it was beautiful to watch. Plus, school called to cancel Monday's classes Sunday evening, so I could sleep in on Monday and have the day to myself after the final snow clearing in the morning.

Tuesday. What a crapola day it has been. The day started by the dogs being bad. Dogs Behaving Badly. Bark, yap, growl - repeat ad nauseum. Nip, bite, chew - repead ad infinitum. So, I decided to take them walking to burn off some of their pent-up energy. That was so incredibly stupid that I should be flogged. Rambunctious puppies on icy sidewalks...I am currently wearing the wrist brace I got as a reward for having the numbest skull in creation. I went down on the ice, using my left hand to try and stop my fall. Got a nice sprain for my trouble. Actually, its not overly bad; I have to wear my brace for a few days and I should be ok. But, that meant another day off of work as I got it checked out.

Then, the sun was making me sick. Really. It does that sometimes. Despite the fact that I have seasonal affective disorder, I am actually disabled by overly bright sunlight. Combine a blazing sun with a whited-out landscape and my head was pounding. That, in turn, made me nauseous. And the dogs just would not stop their shenanigans. Ugghhhhh...

I finally had to hide upstairs in my bedroom with the door closed just to get some quiet, dark rest. I was nice - I left the backdoor open to the patio for the dogs to play and pee, but I was not going to bring them upstairs with me. When I felt a little better, I filled the tub and just soaked for awhile in cool water. Dried off, donned warm sweats and toddled downstairs to find the pups curled in a big ball o' dog, emitting little contented snores. Bastards.

I am now gearing up to grab a snack and a beverage and take it easy. Must find my way back to the salt mines tomorrow. Its going to be tough, I have only one hand with which to wallop the students...

Doughnuts

or is it Donuts? I don't know, but I do know that there are a lot of things out there passing as donuts that were not around when I was a kid.

Yesterday was a major snowstorm that required multiple shovelings to completely clear. Shoveling last night, shoveling this morning...I needed coffee. And not hot coffee, I was already sweating from shoveling. Who has iced coffee in February? Dunkin Donuts - the black spectre of commercial America. Well...what are you gonna do?

The dogs had actually been good, so I took them with me with the intention of allowing them a Munchkin apiece. Not surprisingly, the line was a mile long...an army of snow-boot clad New Englanders taking a well deserved break from winter. While waiting, I had time to consider the donut assortment behind the counter and realized just how much times had changed.

Admitedly, being Southern, Krispy Kreme was the donut of choice in my youth and the varities offered were limited. Glazed, jelly, chocolate covered, cream-filled and cake. That was about it. There were usually a few different shapes or types, such as bear claws or crullers, but there were just variations on a common theme. And we were thankful. All we wanted was something sweet, soft and warm and this assortment suited any mood. Now, jelly donuts are stuffed with a myriad of fruit or cream fillings. Donuts have any sort of ingredients in the batter and an incalculable universe of toppings and dustings. It was amazing at how many permutations of donut could be concocted. And that doesn't count the seasonal, limited-time creatures that show up regularly. I just know that green donuts will be available for purchase come St. Patrick's Day.

And muffins, bagels, flavored coffees...It is just nutty. Coffee and a donut is a thing that has passed beyond one of life's simple pleasures....

A Day of Days

Some days just focus the energy of the times into one wacky 24 hours. Today is such a day.

It started at the unholy hour of 4:32 am. Rodney decidecd that he simply had to go to the bathroom and was not taking "no" for an answer. He licked my nose, whined in my ear, scratched at the covers...then Perkunas joined added his efforts and I was outvoted. So, throw on clothes, grab glasses and navigate the stairs to bring the dogs downstairs. This is trickier than it sounds - my stairs are fairly steep and I have to carry the dogs, one in each arm, since they are too stubborn to traverse the steps on their own.

Open the back door and get hit with a blast of 10 degree air. The dogs tried to balk on going outside, but a slippered foot to their backsides changed all that. After they had eliminated everything that a dog can eliminate, I let them back into the house. Normally, I would head back upstairs, put on my contacts and begin my day. Not today. I decided to toss off the slippers and glasses and bury myself under the blankets on the couch. Oh, just one more precious hour of sleep...

Warmly bundled, I began to drift off when I felt something banging on my face. Rodney was doing a popcorn dance trying to get on the couch and ramming his nose onto my face to garner my assistance. Yeah....so, up he comes and promptly splays himself on my face and begins that deep, fast breathing that signals a dog actively trying to fall asleep. So, I wriggle my nose so that it is breathing fresh air and not puppy penis and drift off.

I didn't wake for 3 1/2 hours. I haven't slept until 8:00 am for years. Rodney had changed position, perched on my head like a hat and Perkunas had joined us, clutching my foot like a teddy bear. It took an act of Congress to get those two lazy bones to move and even more effort to get them fed and ready to meet the day. And it was a day lacking an agenda. The sky was crystal clear and the sun was blazing, despite the cold. The big issue was the approaching storm. We are slated to see 12 or more inches of snow between tonight and tomorrow afternoon. So, the only real objective was to be sure that the house was stocked with provisions. That meant plenty of Coke Zero and microwave popcorn. But, my eye spied the bag of chicken breast jerky that the dogs love as a special treat. It was getting low. That indicated a trip to Costco. What the heck.

Dogs gathered, purse found, car pre-warmed using the remote starter. Yeah. Oh, need gas. Drat. Just the thing for ridiculously low temperatures, standing around filling the tank. Of course, the gloves have to come off or they get impregnated with gas fumes. So, fuel and freeze. Finally, on the Interstate. The dogs have to stand on my lap today and try to drive. They also try to lick my nose. Fortunately, the traffic was light and no innocent lives were lost during the trip. Got to Costco with only a glimmer of a plan. Buy dog chicken and putter about - that about summed it up. Then I walked in the door...

I could see it from afar. Human eyes are sensitive to three things in order: motion, color and form. It wasn't moving, but the color was unmistakable. White, green and silver. XBox 360. There it was. I covered the distance between the door and the display faster than the speed of light. Oooohhhh....console, hard drive, 2 wireless controllers, Ethernet cable and one game. $489.00. Normally, I would throw up a little in my mouth while contemplating a three-figure purchase, but this was sweet. And they were going fast. While examining the package, I was hit by several sets of hands grabbing units. Not going to leave me in the cold. Mine, mine, mine......

Well, that purchase made a trip to Best Buy an imperative. Had to get games and I found 3 that will suffice for now, Quake 4, Perfect Dark Zero and Kameo. Drat that I still had groceries to buy before going home. And the grocery was a zoo. Everyone was stockpiling for the storm, so lines were long and cashiers were cranky. But, supplies purchased (including a carrot muffin for the dogs as a treat), I screamed home as fast as the RAV 4 could take me to get my game system set up.

Surprisingly, connection of game console to TV was easy. Usually, I wind up pulling out my hair getting configurations correct, but this was a snap. Oooohhhhhh....,46" widescreen HDTV filled with gaming action. Stupidly, I started with Quake 4. I forgot that 1st person engine games can make me nauseous. I had to putter around with some XBox Live arcade games to calm my stomach before I could go back to some serious slaughter. Hee hee hee....

My neighbor is doing some major home renovation, so my walls are rattling a bit. I am reciprocating with laser blasts and the death screams of mutant humans. Let the snow fall...I am so ready....

The Perception of Language

A student of mine started a blog and I have been reading and commenting on his entries. I have noticed lately that his thoughts have centered on the flaws (as he sees them)with the English language. He has commented on the lack of need for capital letters at the start of sentences (punctuation should tell you when sentences start and stop) and the stupidity of silent letters in words. Both are interesting thoughts, but would carry more weight if they were written by someone who cannot string together one sentence that has correct spelling, structure or punctuation. He CAN do it; I have read his research papers. In his casual writing, though, he eshews all manner of language rules. This is not a conscious rebellion; this is pure laziness and a lack of understanding as to the importance of language.

I admit to being a language snob. Not that I am any expert, I make more mistakes than is tolerable for an educated person. However, I usually catch my mistakes and take pains to correct them, if possible. That is because I realize that individuals are judged by the quality of language they use in both verbal and written situations. Our first impression of a person is formed from their appearance. Anyone who says that people are not judged by their appearance is an utopian fool. Our second impression of an individual is formed from their speech. If they sound like a moron, we assume they are one; if they sound smart, we assume that condition. The pattern and sophistication of speech may not reflect the person's intellectual ability or societal worth, but there's not getting around the fact that we draw conclusions based on speech quality and, further, we act on those conclusions.

The same is true for writing. Students don't seem to understand that their writing is taken as evidence of their capabilities and this is why colleges use essays to help assess candidates. Further, more and more employers are screening prospective hires with written exercises. Success in the career world is heavily dependent on one's writing ability and, further, one's verbal skills. Yes, English is a wacky language that could use an enema to clean out and simplify. But, it really doesn't take a super-genius to master and demonstrate the basics. If these kids can conquer the inner workings of XBox 360, they can conquer subject-verb agreement...

Boobs

Oh how I hate them. I have never in my entire life enjoyed having boobs. One of the nicest benefits about dwindling to a stick figure for some years was that I didn't have to worry about boobs. I swear that I would swallow a tapeworm, if I could find an sterilized one, to shrivel me once more so as to lose my boobs.

I have never been a very feminine femme. Unlike others of the Double-X Sisterhood, I do not rejoice in makeup, new shoes, frilly accessories or sultry underwear. I guess I'm just too pragmatic to worry about such things. I wear cheap makeup (the only reason I wear any at all is that it keeps me from looking dead) and buy my shoes, accessories and underpants at Walmart. I don't really work to coordinate outfits and have never, ever, considered matching undergarments with each other, let alone with my outerwear. It appears to me that women who love these sorts of things enjoy their mammary tissue. They shop for underwear that highlights their curves and makes their boobs look as spectacular as possible. They buy clothes that suit their boobs. An outfit that is not sufficiently boobalicious does not make it out of the dressing room.

I buy cheap bras. As long as they keep my boobs from flopping around, any brand or style is acceptable. Well,that's not true - I hate underwire. The damn things just seem to pinch no matter what. But, I never choose a bra for its boob-enhancing qualities. Even with small boobs, I never worried about push-ups or push-togethers or any of that nonsense. I was content to wear NO bra and a joy it was. Boobs that just stayed put and didn't get in the way of anything. That's the ticket. But since I again have boobs with which to deal, the cheapest bra in the world is more than enough.

Boobs flop and plop and move and groove in ways that I do not find appealing. I don't like part of me jigging left when I'm jagging right. I don't like that I want to nip into the bathroom on a warm day to give the underside of my boobs a wipedown. I don't like that they're squishy to poke at and painful if you poke too hard. A well-planted poodle foot can give a boob a right painful prod. I just don't like the way they feel. They seem to detract from "clean" movement.

I doubt that I will ever become fast friends with my boobs. They just don't fit well with my mindset and lifestyle. I wish they offered liposuction for boobs. I'd be first in line as soon as the clinic opened...

The Fire Alarm

A kid threw a match in the wastebasket in the boy's bathroom today, forcing us out of the building. At least the idiot picked a decent day to go pyro on us. Mid-40's and partly sunny. I'll take that.

The funny thing about fire alarms is that the kids all yell "Yeah" in unison with the first flash of the light and whoop of the bell. Teachers groan and beging to fumble around for our keys and a blank notecard and pen. We are supposed to exit the building, keeping our class together, and record the attendance. Did everyone make it out alive? Yes or no. Of course, this is theory. In practice, once the kids hit the door, they scatter in all directions like hairspray out of an aerosol can. Some race up the hill behind the school, hoping for a quick smoke. Some play hide and seek among the cars. Most just flow together in one big mass of smelly humanity. I was lucky in that the class in which the alarm sounded was my honors class. Good kids who actually clotted together long enough for me to account for all heads before going off to find their friends.

Luckily this was a minor event. We've only had one serious evacuation of the building during my tenure, and that was in response to a vaguely threatening note found on the floor at the height of the Columbine paranoia. That was a nuisance. It was cold, rainy and we were outside for several hours before the students were sent home. They were totally off-kilter in that they had to leave everything behind in the school. No one was allowed back in to get personal items. We teachers decided the policy of building exclusion did not apply to us and we snuck back into our classrooms for purses, keys and laptops.

I had to laugh, though, at the new student that I got for my honors class today. He's a foreign exchange student from Sweden and this was his first day. He had originally been slated to be placed in another biology section that is filled with monkeys. Behavior problems and non-motivated kids. Not really a good environment for a kid away from home in a different country. So, I volunteered to put him in my honors section, since those kids are very sweet and happy. So, poor kid walks right into a class filled with bubbly kids and then we flee the building under an umbrella of flashes and sirens. Welcome to America.

So, the administration will now spend time trying to find the culprit. I'm sure, by now, every kid in the building knows who did it, but management will likely never solve the case. Basically, same ol' story for almost every occurrence in school. I'm just happy it didn't cut into my prep time this afternoon. I needed my nap and Diet Coke...