Sometimes You Gotta Stand Firm

Went to the gastroenterologist yesterday and he had nothing to say beyond the potential need to refer me to a kidney specialist. He wanted my -oscopies scheduled sooner than next Friday, though, so he told me that the endoscopy center was going to call today for the scheduling. Well, they wanted to schedule me TOMORROW! Firstly, the preparation for the exams is rather severe. You are not supposed to have any food starting the day before the test (this means from when you wake up). They called around 8:30 am and I had already had plenty of food by then. The receptionist handed me off to the nurse who got mad at me for eating! Apparently, I was supposed to magically have known their intentions and abstained from my normal activities. Excuse me for having a malfunctioning secured sattelite uplink to the great forces of the Universe. Next, you have to be on an all-liquid diet, and nothing red or purple. Jello was approved, as were popcicles. Well, I lacked any clear fluid, gelatin or popcicles and would have had to go to the store to get them. Then, you need transportation home from the tests, as you have to be sedated during the procedures. I was not about to start calling friends and begging this assistance at the last minute, especially for a Friday afternoon.

Most importantly, though, I was not mentally prepared. I could have handled the rest if this card was not played. I have had some form of test, procedure, etc. nearly every day for the past 2 weeks. The weather has been lousy. Today and through the weekend, the weather is supposed to be wonderful. I had mentally already projected myself to 10:00 am today (about the time my doctor's appointment this morning would be over) early in the week. It was a happy place. Yes, feet in the air, but sunshine, no tests, Peapod bringing me my grub, new DVD's and, yes, a box of microwave popcorn in which to indulge. I felt the need for a real, live, honest-to-goodness indulgence....No way was I going to give it all up for those procedures. Especially since the gastro guy already said that he doubts the tests will show anything! Uh huh. So, I held firm and no amount of attempted strongarming would move me. I let them schedule the tests for next Wednesday and I would have even taken Monday had there been a slot available. But I was not going to give up my one little window of joy.

So, Scigirl thumbed her nose at the medical authority and is not upset with the decision. I have no reason to be happy, but I am today. The doctor this morning said flat out that she was very concerned about my health and did mention the Big C, but she has mentioned so many things that I have given up listening to anything unless there is a folder of facts to support the diagnosis. I am still out of my classroom and that bothers me. My butt hurts from sitting and that bites. But none of this is cutting through the feeling of relief. No tests. No appointments. No consultations. Not forever, but just for a little while. A few days without nothing more heavy on my mind than which movie I want to watch next. I so need this....