Damn Dirty Apes

I wondered why my computer keys were sticky and slightly redolent of old banana daiquiri...I see Monkey Baby has been indulging his newly-found computer addiction. Reading his post was quite informative and explained several anomalies in my recent phone and credit card bills. He apologised most profusely after I tied him up on the patio and allowed the squirrel coalition to titter aggressively and furiously twitch their tails in his general direction. Currently, MB is affecting a put-upon pouty face and giving me the silent treatment. Perhaps I'll allow him a little Animal Planet this evening...

I have been caught up in the ironies of life, the largest being the circumstances surrounding the purchase of new clothes. Perhaps men do not follow the clothes-buying ritual, but I find it odd that in order for a female to mount a clothes shopping expedition, she must appear as if the last thing in the world she needs is new clothes. A serious wardrobe expansion mission must be undertaken in full make-up, with freshly-coiffed hair and the most stylish outfit she can muster. This is what made the whole prospect so daunting to me. I had NOTHING to wear to even go shopping! Oh the horror of that first clandestine shopping trip to WalMart to hastily grab a pair of drawstring pants and two blouses. With that, I could return for a more prolonged trip to add a few other items. With some new makeup and a very long-overdue trip to the hairstylist, I was able to face the glory of glories: The Mall.

Before, I was too damn small for anything to fit properly. Now, I am too large for things to fit properly. Well, I should clarify. I am too heavy for my height, but my weight distribution is the real problem. All in front, like an expectant mother. Yes, my ass, back and thighs are also partridge-plump, but that is not a real problem with today's range of clothes sizes and styles. But that protruding belly makes fittings difficult. And, regardless, nothing really looks "good." Oh well, I am getting to be an age where these things concern me less and less. Although I did have a guy give me prolonged eye while I was in line for my iced coffee. And, the nice gay manager of my grocery store actually gave me an appreciative uplifted eyebrow. Can't be too bad off if the immaculately-groomed aren't spitting in my path...

I also find it interesting that my former greatest joy in life - unbridled activity - is currently beyond my reach. My joints and muscles ache continuously, with some days finding me dreading any form of motion. Even my jaw has gotten stiff and sore to open beyond a certain degree. So, tearing apart the treadmill or pressing iron is a laughable consideration. It is almost like a punishment, more than an illness. So perfect an impairment to chastise me for some heinous offense committed in a former life. Perhaps I should start contributing more to charity to buy insurance for my next life...

Tomorrow finds me connecting with a friend to do some serious bookshopping. We shall partake in a nice luncheon and provide ourselves with as many books as we can squeeze into her vehicle. Monkey Baby has requested a few titles of the Tarzan series and I need some light reading for relaxation and to take on the plane next weekend. Maybe I'll continue the Edgar Rice Burroughs theme and pick up some of his John Carter books. I haven't read those since I was a kid and I could go for some semi-classic science fiction. Regardless, I shall have a bright spirit when I land in Seattle. Meet up with good friends for good times and then hit the open ocean for adventure. Wonder if the Pirates of the Caribbean ever get that far north...