Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Handbag Hell

In defiance of the accepted feminine stereotype, I must declare that I have no interest in either shoes or handbags. I view both with a strongly utilitarian eye. Today, however, I had to undertake an unsettling journey into handbag hell. I was in need of an evening bag for my upcoming cruise and spent the day moving from store to store in search of an appropriate satchel.

A search of my house will generally produce only two handbags - one brown and one black shoulder plain shoulder bag. I prefer shoulder bags over handbags or clutches since I consider myself incapable of keeping a watchful eye on any item not attached to my person. Once a bag is set down for any reason, there is a rather significant chance that it will remain in that position until the janitorial staff finds in while closing for the evening. Further, I purchase bags that are as plain as an unsalted Saltine. I have neither the time nor the eye to coordinate bags with outfits. I refuse to devote sections of my closet to a handbag collection designed to complement each individual item of my wardrobe. So, plain and in solid black or brown.

An evening bag has never found sanctuary in my home. Formal occasions do not fill my social calendar, therefore, I have never found need for a bag designed solely for "dress up" events. I was not even sure where to begin. I knew that I didn't want to spend the world for the bag as its use was quite limited, but wanted something that was appropriate. For an unfeminine femme, this was a puzzle. So, off to the malls and associated shops.

There should be a book titled "The Myth of the Perfect Handbag." It is as nonexistent as Bigfoot. No two women are shaped or sized exactly the same, nor share exactly the same taste. Even with this trememdous diversity and the vast handbag universe, no one seems to be able to find the Holy Grail of handbags. I know this, because I engaged in sociological research while shopping. I keenly interrogated women who were also bag shopping. I asked the young and the old, every cultural and racial profile I could discern...the consensus was that gorgeous bags existed, functional bags were common, comfortable bags could be had, but no one bag fulfilled every criterion to meet the definition of "perfect." I watched the well-dressed and the tacky scurrying about from shelf to shelf, touching, holding, trying on...bag after bag after bag. The right color, but the wrong size. The perfect style, but won't hold a phone. On and on and on...Like a test set by the Fates to weed out the unworthy...

I had thought that my needs were sufficiently specific that finding something suitable would not pose too much of a challenge. A bother, certainly, but nothing to raise the blood pressure. Of course, I was totally wrong. I wanted a simple, elegant black bag with a thin shoulder strap. It doesn't exist. If it did, it was sucked into hell long ago, leaving behind a race memory that serves only to show us what could have been. If it had a strap, it was replete with garish decoration. If it was plain, it was a clutch. If it was the right material, it was too large and if it was reasonably priced, it was too small. I wandered through the forest of tassels, beads and sequins...winced at too many zeroes on price tags...I had to have a lie down half-way through the ordeal.

Did I buy anything? Yeah. Plain. Black. Wrist strap. Wallet-style, rather than pure purse. Where? Target. I am ashamed. I got so discumbobulated by hour 3 that I defaulted to Target and grabbed a cheapie bag that will do the job, but not much else. I feel like I have let down the team.

I'm afraid to even think about dress shoes....

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh Sci. I know exactly what you are going through. I am not a purse person either. I made the mistake of giving my sister the best bad I ever had because I got bored with it after carrying it for 3 years. I thought I could find another. I have been searching for a year now.

On the other hand, I do own the perfect bag for you. Too bad I did not know your need sooner or I would have sent it. It is a black leather bag, small but large enough to hold anything you would need. Plain, elegant, functional, with a little strap. I stole it from my mother in law years ago. Well I didn't steal it but I begged for it, since she doesn't carry purses any more.

I hope your bad works for you. I am so excited for you. I hope you have a terrific time.

Also, I think shoes should be alot easier! Good luck

Anonymous said...

I should have learned my lesson that you can't edit these comments. In two places please replace "bad" with "bag" So sorry.

Lisa said...

I used to have tons of handbags when I lived in the city. Now I have my "wallet", which is a leather zippered case that holds my checkbook, credit cards, and palm...and tons of receipts, coupons, and anything else I can cram in there. God help me if I ever lose it - it doesn't have a strap. It looks more like a small daytimer.

Dawn Rossbach said...

I don't carry a purse or a handbag for the exact reasons you stated. I am so afraid of leaving it. I had my purse stolen when I was 17. No credit cards or money in it, but all my i.d., license, and photos. Ever since, no purse for me - at least not on a regular basis.

Anonymous said...

It pretty much covers Replica related stuff.

Anonymous said...

It pretty much covers Replica related stuff.

Anonymous said...

Hi there " Scigirl " --- I was in the search engines researching SEO Software when I came upon your blog..... I don't know if you are out of place in the engines, or I am out of place and just don't realize it :-)

Anonymous said...

Hey Scigirl. I was searching on the search engines for purse and handbag related websites and was using the keyword louis purse real vuitton and found your great page with the title Handbag Hell. I am looking for ideas on how to improve my own site using different keywords and was amazed how easy it was to find your site using the keyword louis purse real vuitton. Perhaps we could do a link exchange at some point. Thanks for your time.

Anonymous said...

I hope your day is going well Scigirl. I was surfing the search engines for purse and handbag related websites using the keyword leather purse and found your awesome page with the title Handbag Hell. I am looking for ideas on how to improve my own site using different keywords and was amazed how easy it was to find your site using the keyword leather purse. Perhaps we could do a link exchange at some point. Anyway, thanks for your time and I’m glad I found your site.

Anonymous said...

Man the phone connections are terrible today. Have no idea why I wrote that. By the way, take a moment and look at your entries. You have enough here to start a great ebook or something. I like sites on make up, dior handbag, and other girls things. Anyway, time to surf for dior handbag and other girl stuff.